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It’s that time of night when my friend Ciary and I end up having “feelings suck” time. It’s that time when we send each other Youtube links of songs that make us cry or at least feel something similar to the process of having your heart torn out like in Once Upon A Time. Yeah, Love = Cora/Regina/any other evil person who rips your heart out of your body and can squeeze it to dust and keep you under their control – and on a damn sidenote, did you guys really have to make Killian Jones the sexiest man anyone has ever seen? Really, Once Upon a Time?!

Ciary’s asleep now, I think, but for some reason, I’m having major fragile time alone. Today was very eventful in terms of Stages of Love, and I’m just thinking that my hormones are on major overdrive. I cried twice during rehearsals today listening to the cast sing all those songs about love, and once again I’m reminded of how tonight, I wait for a text from no one, I sleep with my stuffed cat, Lucifie (from Cinderella, whom I adore) and I’m thinking about love in all its nasty forms.

Writing’s been a very good stress reliever, but sometimes I wish I could do something else aside from spill my feelings to the online world and have everyone see the “total agony of being in love” (Love Actually reference!). Okay, so maybe I’m not in love but I don’t know. I DON’T KNOW HOW I FEEL, AND I HATE HOW I DON’T KNOW HOW I FEEL. BUT I’M GOING TO WRITE A BLOG ANYWAY TO START UP A NEW HABIT OF TELLING PEOPLE HOW I FEEL BECAUSE APPARENTLY KEEPING IT ALL INSIDE IS UNHEALTHY.

I think I’m just going to stay up and think about trees and flowers and how flowers wilt and how this suddenly became very important to me again and god I hope you don’t read this because that would be totally embarrassing that I gave it so much thought and you probably don’t care about it and I’m really just going to stop rambling now