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Sometimes, you just get the nicest realizations at 1:51 AM, right before you head off to the shower to wipe off the dirt and grime of the day.

I know I haven’t blogged in a while; school’s been hectic and crazy, and hey, who the hell reads this and begs me to post anyway? But that doesn’t matter.

So, what’s the realization?

I was on Thought Catalog – and yes, I do torture myself reading it because sometimes it makes me laugh at how melodramatic we truly are and sometimes it makes me cry because it hits me too close to home. Sometimes I just stare at the screen, reading the words of You vs. Feelings like it was tumbling out of my own head, and I applaud the author at how it was nothing and everything I wanted to hear. But I digress. I was on Thought Catalog, and I stumbled upon this post that was basically about why Summer from (500) Days of Summer was a bitch, and why she couldn’t just tell Joseph Gordon-Levitt that she really just wasn’t interested.

And that’s the bitch, isn’t it? Why can’t people just tell us that they’re not interested so we stop whining and crying about it? Like, really – that’s gonna make us stop? Not really, no. I agree with the author when he tells everyone on the Internet to just stop telling JGL to get over it when he honestly can’t. But that’s just it – what if it’s exactly what JGL needs to hear? Sure, it’s not something he wants to hear – because everyone wants to hear that the one they’re in love with just doesn’t feel the same – but it’s something he needs to hear to be able to just get up and walk away from the situation. He’s totally allowed to whine and moan about it, but c’mon – sometimes you can’t wait. You can’t stick around forever.

I’ve been Joseph Gordon-Levitt, but not in that crazy a situation. I’ve been on the end where I just don’t know if he’s really into me or not – and that hurts, more often than not. I’ve been on the end of over-analyzing the situation, I’ve been on the end of late nights with a pint of ice cream, a chick flick and tons of tears in between. I’ve listened to Taylor Swift like a retard and just stared at the sky wishing on every other star that he felt the same way. But I don’t know – I couldn’t keep doing that forever.

So one day, I closed the blinds, stopped staring at the sky, stared at my reflection – and decided to love myself instead. What’s not to love? Sure, I’ve got skeletons in my closet and a ton of monsters under my bed – something other people don’t have to deal with, but something I personally have to get over. And why not get over them now? Why not face them? Why do I have to wait for my ‘knight in shining armor’ only to realize that I’ve got the sword, the bow and arrow and the armor right here with me?

Because my theory is – if I love myself and appreciate myself in the best way I can, maybe one day someone’s going to see exactly what I see and love it as well. Although that’s not the goal of the whole love-myself thing, I just think it’d be a major bonus. 🙂