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Back when I graduated high school in 2008, my family went on a trip to the United States as a form of celebration for my sister and I moving onto higher forms of education. I don’t know if it’s a matter of ‘keeping tradition’ or whatnot, but I had the notion that after my college graduation and my sister’s high school graduation, we’d be able to do it again – go back to the States or do something of that sort. Get out, have a blast and prepare for the next chapter ahead.

Thing is, I haven’t been going anywhere. Everyday, I am stuck in the house doing the same old routine – wake up, go online, eat somewhere in between, go back to bed. Everyday my mind travels for me – thinking of new places to go to, what kind of food I would’ve been eating, what kind of places I would’ve been seeing, what kind of adventures I’ll be dying to do. I travel in my head, while my body rests on a thin mattress on the floor, my eyes glued to the ceiling with a slight glaze.

I’ve been dying to travel, itching to get away. I don’t know if it’s because I’m tired of seeing the same Ayala Alabang scenery as I drive along Madrigal Avenue, or eating at the same restaurants all over the South area, or having the same old adventures that I still appreciate yet am slightly not content with anymore. Am I running away from something? Is there something that I need to face but refuse to, so I attribute it to just wanting to get away from my normal thing and just find something else?

I’ve gone to the beach and to the mountains, and it’s been two fun adventures. I don’t understand why I’m not content with these blessings that I’ve been given, and still I’m dying to get away from all this. I feel like I just want to escape from something that I am not even aware of, and it frustrates me more than anything that I don’t even know what the hell I’m running away from. I feel like I just want to disappear.

Why can’t I just disappear?