, , , ,

What hurts about expecting is that feeling when you don’t get what you expected.

It works both ways, sometimes. When you expect something and it actually is better than what you ever imagined, the euphoria you experience is something you can’t even describe. It’s like everything is on overdrive – your heart is pounding in your chest, a grin is about to split your face in two, your core is about to explode. That is the best feeling you can ever get – when things don’t go the way you think, but only because it’s better than what you ever thought or hoped for.

And then there’s the other kind – the result falls short. Bitterness spreads through every fiber of your being. It’s the kind of bitterness that can destroy you if you let it, the bitterness that threatens to eat you alive and consume you. It can hurt you. It will hurt you. It will make you question things – the intention, the circumstance, even yourself. And what hurts the most about it is probably the fact that most of the time, you will never have the answers.

I just hate being disappointed, because I don’t like expecting. Being disappointed implies that I was expecting something and I didn’t get what I wanted. It’s not all about me, or what I want.