For me, it’s one of those nights when I wish I wasn’t alone.
If you think I’m going all emotional about being single, go away. That’s not what I meant.
Can you imagine sitting on a rooftop or on a balcony, staring down at the city lights and just watching them light up the view? They may not be stars, but they could be a damn good substitute. You’re there just breathing it all in – the city lights, the cold December air – and imagine being there with someone. That someone doesn’t necessarily have to be someone you’re practically in love with. No. That someone could be your best friend, your sister, your mom – hell, just someone you can talk to. Someone who’d listen, someone who’d talk in return, or even someone who would just shut the hell up and watch it with you without having to say anything important or meaningful.
It’s moments like these and feelings like these that make you believe that you have a soul, that you are more than just a corporeal body that walks around the Earth with the possibility of having no real purpose. Screw the Absurd school of thought for a moment. It’s moments like these, looking at the city lights – the metropolitan stars amidst the smoke and whatever the hell else is polluting the air – that make you think that there has to be more to life than just doing actions with no value to them. It’s just one of those nights that make you want to discuss anything and everything – the weather, global warming (and if it exists or not), why life goes a certain way, rabbits, cake – anything.
What probably sucks the most about me feeling this way at this very moment is the fact that I’m back at home holed up in my room alone. For once, I actually wished I lived in the University Dorm, so I could just stare at the view from one of those rooftops (where we practiced once for English-Lit class) at the blinking lights of Marikina and watch them slowly fade to black. And hopefully, I wouldn’t be alone. Sometimes, I also wish I were in Calatagan, gazing up at a million real stars and hearing the waves hit the shore. Hopefully, I wouldn’t be alone there either.
I don’t even know how to end this entry. Stream of consciousness much?